Not Satisfied

Things seem hopeless at times for life on Earth.  Granted this life is temporal, I still feel utterly disgusted with how things play out:  Family, my past, my present, my future, old friends, old enemies, need I say more?

We hope out of our teenage years invincible.  I knew what I wanted and I was gonna get it.  And although I am getting it, I still do not feel satisfied.  I am afraid these "commodities" we have as middle class Americans are not commodities at all.

I figure it that in the 1800's there was more biblical morality, less stress, less promiscuity, and less dissatisfaction.  I can honestly say that right now I would not mind if I were in a small one room cabin with no electricity (although running water would still be great).  I could see myself smiling with a wife and a kid or seven while walking back from the fields knowing dinner was ready and the children were ready for their nightly Bible story.  I would go to sleep not wondering how to pay to fill up the car with gas, because we would be self-sufficient.

I know, though, that I could live in my fantasy world and still be as miserable as I feel right now.  The key to contentment is not fulfilling fantasies, but fulfilling our purpose as humans: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  I know why I feel unhappy and sinful and slothful.  I will not blame anyone but myself.  If God picked me up and dropped me in my deepest fantasy world right NOW, after the initial shock and fun of it all slipped away I would remember that I am still a fallen person--still self-centered.

So what do I do?  Read more of the Bible?  Pray more?  Call my pastor?  Go to the homeless mission and volunteer?  Call Oprah?  Live more for God and others than myself?  I suppose the last one and all else will work out... but I resonate with Paul in Romans 7 and 8.  My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.

God, help us to be content where we are and serve You regardless.  Help us to see the beauty even in the urban decay of rinky Anderson, Indiana.  Help us to realize You created us cheerfully and wonderfully knowing Your will for us.... and help us fulfill it.  Forgive us for all our sins we daily commit in word, thought, and deed.  Forgive us for our selfishness, our discontentment, our hatred of Your holy laws, and our disregard for Christ's work of salvation He so lovingly worked out for us.  Help us to fight for what is right, and wage war against out sinful inclinations.  Help us to protect the weak, be with the widows and orphans, and to be wise with what we have, no matter how much or little we have.  May Your name and all You stand for be glorified in our lives.  May Your kingdom come soon.