Do You Know Him?

Well, that's all that is, I reckon.
The best part about hearing this, is that HE actually wants and actively chases you and me because He wants us to know Him.

It is so simple, yet ridiculously profound.  Just tell Him you are ready for something bigger and better which can only be found in knowing Him.  No magic formula needed.  Just tell Him you are ready and ask Him what to do next, and He will show ya.

Jeremiah 33:3

Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.

A boring Saturday night quickly turned outrageously faith building.

My housemate Jeremy and I decided we would hit the streets of Anderson, Indiana and see if we could share the Gospel and pray with people we came across.  We met probably around 20 or so people... I started to list names, but I had better not, but a special mention to the sweet little boy who was probably around 4 years old and was busy to work blowing bubbles while we prayed for his family!

We came across multiple drunk and high people, and the stench of booze and marijuana was in the air on Nichol Avenue.  Half way through our journey from Arrow Avenue, down Nichol, and back up around to 5th and John Street, we met a lady and her son.  They had others up on the porch smoking something, and one man held up his middle finger while singing a rap song that repeated the phrase "f*** y'all n******" as he stared us down from the steps.  It was a faith stretching time.

The climax of our night came when we reached the railroad tracks that run parallel with John Street.  As we approached, I felt timid...

"I'm not feeling these guys..."
"Why not, man?  C'mon, lets go!"
"OK then, you take the lead..." I said as we approached.

The group of 6 or so kind of scattered when Jeremy boldly announced we just were out seeing if we could share the love of Christ and pray with anyone.  Only a guy and his girlfriend remained.  They had clearly been having a serious conversation.

I mentioned how Jesus had done so much to save and help me, I wanted to share it with others.  The guy simply said, "I have a question.  Is it wrong for me to be afraid to die?"

The conversation took a quick turn to the Gospel!  We gladly presented to him, of course!  We said we were about to pray, and right before we bowed our heads to ask God to bless these two children of His, Brandon interrupted...

"God sent you guys here because earlier tonight I tried to hang myself..."  he said while gripping a leather belt in his hand so tight.

We talked a little more and prayed.  Afterwards, they gave me their phone number so I could call them and pick them up for church in the morning!  Which is only like 8 hours from now, so I gotta type faster.

We were so happy that God used us... but God was not done yet!

As we walked away rejoicing, we got half way across the road when another guy from the group yelled out, "Hey do you guys have any medication or pills I can have?  I have had this migraine for two days now..."

Of course he was hittin us up for drugs, but we did not have any.  What we did have, we offered him...

"I don't carry that stuff man, sorry."
"But we can pray for you!" Jeremy says as we begin to walk back over to the group.
"No that's OK thanks anyway." He said.
"We serve a God who is alive and can heal," I say, surprisingly, since I rarely pray for that kind of stuff, because I tend to be skeptical... but I surprised myself!

"You got this, bro." I whisper to Jeremy as we make our way across the street.
"No you pray." He whispers back.
"No, no.  You take it man!"

We were back standing in front of him.

"OK, I will give it a try."

Jeremy began to pray for his healing.  I kept my eyes wide open to watch.  If God was gonna heal this guy I wanted to see it with my own eyes.  The guy seemed indifferent as Jeremy prayed aloud and I admittedly prayed silently saying, "God you better show up!"  I didn't want God to be mocked, and more so I did not wanna be mocked!

Halfway through the pray, the guys eyes began to shut and his breathing rhythm changed... he was taking deeper breaths now.  Jeremy concluded the prayer.

Awkward silence...

"Did it work?"  Jeremy asked.

Awkward silence as the guy scratched his head...


"That really worked, wow."  He said!


"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I accidently blurt out!


"Yeah, wow, thanks that really worked!"


He still did not wanna come to church with his friends in the morning, but when I told him God would be chasing him down now he agreed.


"And when He calls, you better answer!" I said.


As a smile swept over his face and he scratched his head, he said he would answer.  We shook hands with him and Jeremy and I began to walk back home... barely able to contain ourselves, until we were out of earshot from the group at least.  Then we laughed and shouted and even sang a little.


We called to God, and He answered us, and showed us some great and mighty things.  Check out Jeremiah 33:3!

Adjustments

Well,  there is no cozy fireplace.  No milk and cookies sitting out for Santa.  No presents under a tree, and there is no tree.

This is my first Christmas morning alone.  A part of me (the selfish self-loathing side) wants to be depressed about it.  But in reality I am not.  How can?  It is 1:23 o'clock!  Nice timing.  I always enjoy quirky times that happen to happen when perhaps I never expected it to happen.  I suppose it is all happenstance anyhow, or is this happening per a plan hatched?  I just confused myself in an attempt to be witty.

I just watched the Adjustment Bureau.  Pretty nice movie.  As with most pretty nice movies I see, I wish I knew more about the future in the story.  Like does Norris ever succeed in his politician career?  Or will ol' what's her face become a famous ballet dancer?

I may be stretching this all a bit, but I want to talk about it anyhow.  Maybe it is all happenstance and I am making connections where there are not any.  Anyway...

I have been reading a book by James MacDonald, called I Really Want to Change... So Help Me, God.  Click that link to check it out.  The book talks about (drum roll, please) changing.  Transformation really. So far MacDonald has covered preparing to change and repentance, which is so far, half the book.  It is a page turner (or kindle button-clicker) for people like me who see a desperate need for change.

So far, it has led me to believe mostly all of what it is saying.  So I have written out a list of the most crucial and alarming negative traits I have.  I am targeting a couple for now:  Self-indulgence and inhibition.  If you knew me well enough, you would know how I pragmatically live to indulge in my every desire.  What I want, I want it now, and I will do what it takes to get it.  The only times I settle for not taking what I want are if I have enough sense for the moment to see how it will be negative in the long run for my own ambitions in the future, which is still ridiculously self-indulgent.  In fact, I am beginning to hate the word itself.  The key, however, is hating the trait in me enough to kick it to the curb.  I have always been self-indulgent to a degree, but it took over my life a few years ago when I started college.  Let's not get into all that.

Well, as with all true genuine change for the good, it requires God Almighty, and true genuine repentance.  MacDonald shows from Scripture how the fruits of true repentance are...

OK, one moment.  I moved into this neighborhood two months ago.  Cheap rent!  Too good to be true?  Well, yes.  I mean I love my house, but I just heard seven gun shots from about a block away to the South West.  Drama.  I hope everyone is alright... it is Christmas morning for crying out loud.  Oh, Anderson, Indiana...

Anyway, now that my heart rate is back down, the fruits of true repentance are the absence of blaming others and rationalization, genuine sorrow, open confession of sin (first to God, then to fellow Christian friends who will keep one accountable, and restitution of all those who were harmed by the named sin(s).

So, at first, I was doing pretty well I suppose.  I had some good friends, a great girlfriend, and a future.  Then I got prideful as I rose to the (imaginary) top of the ladder of academia!  Now I am crash landing in the result of my selfishness.  I have finally arrived at the goal of my mission to please only myself.  I have it now! It is all I have, and all I fought for for the past 3 or 4 years!  I am left with only myself.
(Spoiler Alert)
In the Adjustment Bureau, Norris learns that he must fight at all costs for the one he loves, even if it means going behind the Chairman of the Adjustment Bureau's back and disobeying the Plan (with a capital P).  Well, he somehow inspires the chairman or whatever and wins freewill.

The cool part I like about the movie is his willingness to not settle for what most would call success.  If he did not pursue the girl of his dreams, he was guaranteed what he always wanted, the presidency of the U.S.  and she would be able to become the most famous of dancers.  However, their love was too strong and stuff.

Norris and I are alike in that we started off doing well.  He was in the House of Reps.  I was not a selfish prick.  He met a girl, but did her dirty and his life went awful. Ditto for me, except he fought tirelessly for her, and I continued in a downward spiral of self-indulgence.  He won her back, and I am trying to win mine back, that and a lot of other stuff yet to experience restitution from my sins.

So, as with pretty nice movies, I really want to know what happens in the future.  Will Norris become the President despite breaking the Plan and now having freewill?  Will Billy become so outraged by his terrible traits that he will finally change and transform with God's help?  I really want to know the future, but I can't.  I can only focus on the now and kill every feeling of selfishness, rationalization for sins, and impurity in every form and fashion.

Aching, aching, slipping… breaking
Each breath a dose of drugs I’m taking
Inhale, exhale, inhale, do not release
“Just let me go and be in peace”

Lying, lying, crying… prying
You pry to open me up inside
Refuse to lose, to leave or accept
My selfish excuses to be inept

Loathing, self-loathing; like crack-cocaine
The endorphins of selfishness flood my veins
My brain focused on me, then went insane
Begging you to just go, yet somehow you remain

Sitting, sitting, our lives splitting
It is up in the air, and finally I care
I stare and compare a life of solitaire
Get a knife and pare me, strip me down to repair me

There you went, you finally went…
I had begged for this, now my heart is rent
I had spent too much cash on myself now I have me
My own selfish self, with no identity

I blindly follow, rarely think
So you’d think I’d thank you, but instead I link
My failures with everyone else but myself
So I am left alone with my gun and the books on my shelf

Aching, aching, slipping… breaking
Never giving, always taking
This is the ballad of a man turned boy
Who could have gained the world, but chose to destroy

Who can he blame?  Where can he turn?
How many more times until he learns?
I blame myself.  I will turn to myself.
This is when I learn, today I decide.
I will swallow my pride. I’ll be the reason I die.
I’ll be the reason I live! I choose to give.
I will truly try and succeed and, why?
I am not a human-don’t.
I am not a human-try.
I am not a human-doing.
I will tell you why, I am now seeing!
Forget my old way of living,
I am a human-being.