As the Deer

I felt a throb in my forehead as a burning sensation filled my face, and then my eyes went blurry with tears. God must have seen me there in my room that particular night. He has always sustained me, and I believe He always will. This night was tough, though. It was beginning to turn into morning, but it was still dark. I had been lying on my floor. The dull forest green semi-shaggy carpet somehow became comfortable as I felt unworthy to lie in my own bed. I would attempt to pray, but I was more gloomy than prayerful. I had wronged a friend and found myself alone. I would search the depths of my dark and fatigued mind looking for someone who would answer my call as my clock seemed to mock me. It boasted in bright red numbers “3:00 AM”. I would not let it boast anymore! I slipped on some sweat pants, a t-shirt, a scarf, and some work boots I wear when it is snowy outside.

I suddenly was not very sleepy anymore. I trudged through the living room toward the front door and my mother saw me. “Where are you goin’ at this time in the mornin’?” I did not do a good job of appeasing her curiosity. “I just can’t sleep, so I am going for a drive…” The fact that she did not mind me leaving made me more adventurous. I hopped in my 1996 Chevy Corsica. The morning air seemed magical being so light and breathable. The sweet moist scent of the morning air convinced me this trip was a good idea. I wanted to go for a drive in the country and pray—just me and God.

I was nervous getting into my car, not wanting anyone to see me. I wanted solitude and peace. I can recall the words I faintly, softly uttered. “God... I have officially gone crazy... or maybe not. Um, I pray that no one sees me... that I'll be invisible… Keep me safe. God, I don’t understand really..." I offered up prayers of confusion, longing for a sign, and longing for help during my drive. My car sliced through the blackness in the atmosphere as I gradually drove out of the city limits. Houses and stoplights soon turned into cornfields and trees.

I found myself quite attentive on a dark country road when suddenly I noticed something in my peripheral vision. To the left of me and my car I noticed a glowing eye! I began to gradually press my brake pedal as the swift glowing eye changed directions from diagonal to the road to parallel with it. I was sure it wanted to cross the road, and I intended to let it pass. I concluded it was a doe, but then behind it, I noticed another furred, glowing eyed creature. By the antlers, the second one of course was a buck lagging behind his counter-part.

The doe seemed to realize I was letting them cross the road. Either that or she just thought they could make it across in time. She picked up her speed and darted ahead of me and began to cross. The buck followed suit. My morning was becoming peaceful as his eyes glowed like hers, like little white marbles reflecting pure white light. Then something amazing happened. The doe significantly slowed down in the middle of the old rural road. I was still inching forward with my headlights blazing. She stood between my car and the buck as she turned her neck and looked past her left shoulder. Only after she watched the buck safely crossed the road did she continue on! I could barely believe I had just witnessed such love in action. She risked being hit by a speeding hunk of steel to make sure he made it across.

They continued on through a snow-covered field, as I said to my God, “Ha. Wow. That, my friend, has to be a sign from you.” Then, looking upward, an orange glow from the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon.