I felt a throb in my forehead as a burning sensation filled my face, and then my eyes went blurry with tears. God must have seen me there in my room that particular night. He has always sustained me, and I believe He always will. This night was tough, though. It was beginning to turn into morning, but it was still dark. I had been lying on my floor. The dull forest green semi-shaggy carpet somehow became comfortable as I felt unworthy to lie in my own bed. I would attempt to pray, but I was more gloomy than prayerful. I had wronged a friend and found myself alone. I would search the depths of my dark and fatigued mind looking for someone who would answer my call as my clock seemed to mock me. It boasted in bright red numbers “3:00 AM”. I would not let it boast anymore! I slipped on some sweat pants, a t-shirt, a scarf, and some work boots I wear when it is snowy outside.
I suddenly was not very sleepy anymore. I trudged through the living room toward the front door and my mother saw me. “Where are you goin’ at this time in the mornin’?” I did not do a good job of appeasing her curiosity. “I just can’t sleep, so I am going for a drive…” The fact that she did not mind me leaving made me more adventurous. I hopped in my 1996 Chevy Corsica. The morning air seemed magical being so light and breathable. The sweet moist scent of the morning air convinced me this trip was a good idea. I wanted to go for a drive in the country and pray—just me and God.
I was nervous getting into my car, not wanting anyone to see me. I wanted solitude and peace. I can recall the words I faintly, softly uttered. “God... I have officially gone crazy... or maybe not. Um, I pray that no one sees me... that I'll be invisible… Keep me safe. God, I don’t understand really..." I offered up prayers of confusion, longing for a sign, and longing for help during my drive. My car sliced through the blackness in the atmosphere as I gradually drove out of the city limits. Houses and stoplights soon turned into cornfields and trees.
I found myself quite attentive on a dark country road when suddenly I noticed something in my peripheral vision. To the left of me and my car I noticed a glowing eye! I began to gradually press my brake pedal as the swift glowing eye changed directions from diagonal to the road to parallel with it. I was sure it wanted to cross the road, and I intended to let it pass. I concluded it was a doe, but then behind it, I noticed another furred, glowing eyed creature. By the antlers, the second one of course was a buck lagging behind his counter-part.
The doe seemed to realize I was letting them cross the road. Either that or she just thought they could make it across in time. She picked up her speed and darted ahead of me and began to cross. The buck followed suit. My morning was becoming peaceful as his eyes glowed like hers, like little white marbles reflecting pure white light. Then something amazing happened. The doe significantly slowed down in the middle of the old rural road. I was still inching forward with my headlights blazing. She stood between my car and the buck as she turned her neck and looked past her left shoulder. Only after she watched the buck safely crossed the road did she continue on! I could barely believe I had just witnessed such love in action. She risked being hit by a speeding hunk of steel to make sure he made it across.
They continued on through a snow-covered field, as I said to my God, “Ha. Wow. That, my friend, has to be a sign from you.” Then, looking upward, an orange glow from the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon.
3/15/09
3/9/09
How Tough It All Seems
It can be overwhelming... life that is. I will even say serving our Lord Jesus is tough, but only our human minds think that.
Troubles to us are very real. But to the Creator and Master of all, they are just peices of a bigger puzzle, or grains of sand on His beach.
Today was going very well for me. Classes rocked, dorm meeting (chapel for my college) was very insightful. Everything seemed so... on point.
Then it all set in. Life began to brew and steep in my mind. I gathered all the work I have to get done this week. I thought of the cash I was waving goodbye to to fix my car. I realized I have misplaced a textbook somewhere, and I cannot find it. I thought of paying of school somehow, my relationships with people and family and friends. I thought of the ministry and how I feel like I should be making a bigger impact.
Well, after some prayer and quiet time, all these things seemed more like grains of sand on His beach, but I will admit I am still stressed out.
The back of my study Bible that has "What to read when you feel..." sections won't satisfy me right now. Philippians 4 isn't sticking too well in my mind right now (not worrying about anything but praying for everything/telling God what you need and thanking Him for all He has done/then you'll experiance His peace...). Although I do advise reading that and applying it.
I do not undermine scripture though, I am simply saying reading it isn't enough. Now I have to apply it. ALL of it. How do I do that?
I must make the Word personal. God is the Word. I must take my Christian walk deeper. I must actually live with Christ like He is walking next to me at all times.
It is tough though. After saying all that, I admit I still feel overwhelmed. But it all must be put in perspective.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
How do you be a radical?
Read the Word and live a life of Godly love.
How do you triumph over all life's problems?
You can't.
That is where trusting God comes into play. Nothing is impossible with Him. But His way might not be your way. Paul probably did not want to be in prison for 5 years for a crime he did not commit, but that was God's way of taking the Gospel of the Savior to Rome. God will be with us. I know it, but don't take my word for it.
There are so many aspects of these truths that I simply cannot write about all of them. But go to Him, all of you who have heavy burdens. His burderns are light--but they may not be like you want them to me.
Well, I am done scattering my brain all over this blog.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7
http://biblegateway.com
Troubles to us are very real. But to the Creator and Master of all, they are just peices of a bigger puzzle, or grains of sand on His beach.
Today was going very well for me. Classes rocked, dorm meeting (chapel for my college) was very insightful. Everything seemed so... on point.
Then it all set in. Life began to brew and steep in my mind. I gathered all the work I have to get done this week. I thought of the cash I was waving goodbye to to fix my car. I realized I have misplaced a textbook somewhere, and I cannot find it. I thought of paying of school somehow, my relationships with people and family and friends. I thought of the ministry and how I feel like I should be making a bigger impact.
Well, after some prayer and quiet time, all these things seemed more like grains of sand on His beach, but I will admit I am still stressed out.
The back of my study Bible that has "What to read when you feel..." sections won't satisfy me right now. Philippians 4 isn't sticking too well in my mind right now (not worrying about anything but praying for everything/telling God what you need and thanking Him for all He has done/then you'll experiance His peace...). Although I do advise reading that and applying it.
I do not undermine scripture though, I am simply saying reading it isn't enough. Now I have to apply it. ALL of it. How do I do that?
I must make the Word personal. God is the Word. I must take my Christian walk deeper. I must actually live with Christ like He is walking next to me at all times.
It is tough though. After saying all that, I admit I still feel overwhelmed. But it all must be put in perspective.
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
How do you be a radical?
Read the Word and live a life of Godly love.
How do you triumph over all life's problems?
You can't.
That is where trusting God comes into play. Nothing is impossible with Him. But His way might not be your way. Paul probably did not want to be in prison for 5 years for a crime he did not commit, but that was God's way of taking the Gospel of the Savior to Rome. God will be with us. I know it, but don't take my word for it.
There are so many aspects of these truths that I simply cannot write about all of them. But go to Him, all of you who have heavy burdens. His burderns are light--but they may not be like you want them to me.
Well, I am done scattering my brain all over this blog.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7
http://biblegateway.com
3/6/09
Just one of those nights
When you are so tired, but you can't fall asleep.
When your mind thinks too much, even though you couldn't get it to during class.
When you understand that not too many people understand you.
When you just wanna drive to a beach and watch the waves glide from the horizon to your toes as the stars twinkle something glorious just beyond your reach.
When your mind thinks too much, even though you couldn't get it to during class.
When you understand that not too many people understand you.
When you just wanna drive to a beach and watch the waves glide from the horizon to your toes as the stars twinkle something glorious just beyond your reach.
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